Bouncing Back From Difficult Times

Life happens. It doesn’t matter how positive an attitude you have or how balanced and centered you are, there are going to be times when you are knocked down. Ties when your carefully organized life is turned upside down and you get knocked on your rear end. Life happens.

You will no doubt experience serious illness in either yourself or someone close to you. You may be challenged with the loss of a loved one, a divorce or perhaps the loss of a job or any number of situations that will leave you feeling like you were kicked in the stomach.

Let’s face it. These things will happen. They’re part of life and no matter how you try to explain them away with the idea that, "everything happens for a reason," they hurt. A lot! They hurt at the very core of your being. The pain begins in your heart and radiates throughout your entire being. Repeating positive phrases does not make it stop hurting.

At times like these, you’re going to feel down, even depressed. You probably feel anger or some other manifestation of your pain. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s ok. It’s ok to feel hurt, sad, angry or whatever your true feelings are. You cannot deny pain any more than can deny fear. The only way through either of them is to give yourself permission to feel the feeling.

The question is not whether or not you will feel down. The question is for how ling will you stay in this state?

The difference between people who get through life’s challenging moments, regardless of the seriousness, and those who are immobilized by the events is what I call the "Bounce factor."

How quickly can you bounce back? Of course, the severity of the event will have a lot to do with the time it will take you to get past the pain and on with your life.

Take the example of two people being downsized from their high technology jobs, something that is becoming a natural occurrence these days. One, whom we’ll call John, is floored by the news of his dismissal. He expresses his pain by becoming angry at the company, his co-workers and the system in general. He spends his days telling anyone who’ll listen, about his "problem." Usually from a bar stool.

As he sees it, his life is ruined and he’s blaming everyone for his troubles. People who react like John spend weeks, even months, wallowing in despair until, if they’re fortunate, someone close to them convinces them to seek professional help.

Mary, on the other hand, reacts much differently. Although she has gone through the same experience as John and has pretty much the same issues like living expenses, etc., she chooses to react differently.

After a brief period of feeling a loss of self-esteem, self-pity and anger, Mary decides to get back in the game. She begins contacting her network of colleagues and co-workers, avails herself of the outplacement services her former employer offered everyone and starts actively looking for a new position. In a short time, Mary finds her "dream job" with an exciting new company.

While both people in our hypothetical example Had the same experience and both went through a period of hurting, the time each allowed themselves to remain in that dis-empowering state was vastly different. While John remained "stuck" in his problem, Mary handled her loss and moved on with her life.

This is the key. It’s not whether life occasionally puts you into a tailspin, it’s how long you remain there.

When something devastating happens to you, allow yourself some time to grieve your loss, however, don’t allow yourself to get stuck there. Take some action. Join a support group, talk about your feelings with a trusted friend or your spiritual advisor. If necessary, seek professional help.

In the case of a job loss, perhaps you want to take some time to re-evaluate your career goals. You may even consider a change in fields. When you’re ready, you can begin networking and making new contacts. Attend social or church events. Call people you know. Do something!

One of the most important things to remember in high stress situations is not to allow yourself to isolate. While spending some time alone is normal, even necessary, isolation can be dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. Get out and be with people as soon as possible. As a friend recently reminded me, "life is for the living." It’s important to get back to your life. In time, the pain will pass.

Believing is the Absence of Doubt

You've heard the expression, "Just believe it and it will come." Well, technically, that is true, however, 'believing' is not just thinking that you can have it; it is also feeling that it is possible. When we believe that we can "have it," that means we have no doubt in receiving it.

In the formula for Deliberate Attraction:

(1) Identify Desire

(2) Raise the Vibration (feeling)

(3) Allow it

the allowing of your desire can come to you very quickly providing you have no resistance to receiving it.

Resistance = Doubt

When you remove the 'doubt' that you can have what you want, you are allowing and that is how it can come to you.

Tools for allowing:

There are a number of tools, techniques and strategies that can help you remove the doubt (resistance). Here is one that I like best.

Ask yourself this question:

"Is there anyone on the planet doing or having what you desire?"

For example, if your desire is to attract your ideal client, or your ideal relationship, then you could ask yourself: "Is there anyone on the planet who has attracted their ideal client?"

Yes, there are millions of people on the planet who have attracted their ideal clients.

NOW THIS FEELS POSSIBLE!

And when it feels possible, you have removed doubt.

And when you remove the doubt, the universal Law of Attraction can bring your desires to you.

When using the formula for Deliberate Attraction, spend most of your time "Allowing," as it determines how quickly, or slowly, your desires will come to you.

“How Great is the Strength of Your Belief?”

Be careful what you believe because that is what you will experience. Your belief system is a mechanism which is uniquely yours. It is powered by your desire and controlled by your thoughts and actions. In other words, your success is measured by the strength of your belief.

What is it that you desire? Often people do not have a clue what it is they want, they just know what they do not want. Now is a good time to evaluate your goals and determine the end result you want to achieve. Put your goals in writing and place them where you can see them throughout the day. Read them frequently to keep them fresh on your mind.

• Be inquisitive. Research and learn as much as you can on how you can achieve your goal. Use all possible resources such as books, CDs, courses and people. Yes, people. Talk to as many people as possible who are already successful in what you want to achieve. Ask, ask and ask some more about what they did to reach success. Do not limit your contacts to only the people you already know. Introduce yourself by phone or mail, explain your purpose for contacting them and ask for a tip. The worst thing that can happen is that they ignore you. The best thing that can happen is that they become your mentor and offer support and encouragement. Chances are you will receive at least one great tip from many of the people you contact. This method is the least expensive and most rewarding.

• Be unique. Next, take the ideas you learn, embellish them and come up with your own creative process. Think of how you can approach your goal in a way that no one else has. Dare to be different. Don’t be afraid to take risks. What do you have to loose? Write out a list showing the worst things that could happen and then list all of the best possible outcomes. Always maintain your concentration on your desired result.

•Be better than your competition. When you were a child and saw your older siblings or friends riding a bike (without training wheels), you didn’t look at their scraped knees and elbows and say, “Whoa, I could get hurt doing that.” Instead, you begged to try it for yourself. With a great deal of practice and often pain, you gradually learned how to maintain your balance. Before long you were trying to “out do” your friends with your speed or fancy tricks. When you fell, you would get back on and try again with even greater determination. From your very first effort, you believed in your mind that if you got back on, you would eventually learn to ride. I bet you even knew in your mind you would be the best in the neighborhood, in your school, in the state, in the world!

•Be positive. If you see obstacles before you, then you will also only see problems. If you have hesitations that you plan will not work, then it will not work. If you are influenced by the power of negative people, then you will never be any better than they are. Believe in yourself and what you are capable of achieving.

When your desire to succeed is stronger than the pain, fear or frustration of failing, there is no turning back. I challenge you to view your goals just like you did when you were a child before you learned about self doubt and negative criticism. Remember, anything is possible as long as you believe. Make a commitment that you will not let anything or anyone, including yourself stand in your way of reaching your goals.

Change Your Thinking. Change Your Life.

Have you ever given up on a dream because you've listened to that 'little voice' in your head that tells you that you 'can't do it' or 'what's the point?' That inner voice is the critic inside of everyone that causes many bright futures to come to a screaming halt. Just like the mommy who freaks out when little Johnny runs with a stick, your inner 'mom' worries and frets over new challenges that arise, very often creating enough doubt to make you believe you can't do it, whatever it may be.

There are times when listening to your 'gut' comes in handy, but for the most part, what is perceived as a gut reaction is simply fear of failure or rejection before the event even takes place. How can you squelch your inner critic so that you can move on and build the business that you dream of?

According to Jennie England's article 'Make Friends With Your Inner Critic' from the direct sales resource 'Build It Big', there are steps you can take to transform your critic. First, listen to your inner voice and make a list of what you hear, elaborating on how you feel about each. Ms.England says that you should choose a response to what your critic tells you, and make a choice to ignore the negative. Remember to reaffirm your best qualities daily and you will 'reprogram' yourself to take your critic's suggestions as positive messages rather than constant negatives. (Build It Big. http://mydswa.org)

There is a concept that is finding a huge following with work at home moms or women who simply desire to create a positive life of abundance. Although this idea is in no way new, the Law of Attraction is changing the lives of people in amazing ways. Whether you're a religious person or not, the basics are simple, you attract what you think. This theory too is another direction to follow for achieving your dreams and not allowing negativity to lead your life.

Choosing to challenge your 'little voices' and change your negative thinking will have an impact on every aspect of your life, creating positive habits that even your worst inner critic can't bring down.